Dear Self,

 

The Christmas season has always brought mixed emotions to me; and I sat outside moon watching and thinking about things for a long time on Christmas night. After Dan was killed, one of the hardest differences for me was the abrupt cut-off of laughter. It felt as if all joy had been sucked out of my life and I was suffocating without it; and its ugly absence glared at me constantly for a long long long time. I couldn’t make the grief disappear and the waiting was hard. Laughter and joy have returned this past year; and I’m much more acutely sensitive to it, and life’s, fragility. No guarantees of anything on this earthly ball outside of God; and I am SO incredibly thankful for living roots in him.

 

Christmas was truly good; lots of goofy silly games and tons of laughter. This year it was ever so much more genuine for me than the last several; and thereby, infinitely more precious.

 

I hosted the extended family Christmas party that Dan and I did for years and years. Had 72 people here at my house…renewed old and created lots of new fun memories with my cousins and all our kids and grandkids. Joshua and April were both thrilled that I resumed the tradition. At evening’s end, Kaden, a cousin’s 11 yr old grandson grinned up at me and softly said, “I liked your party. It was lots of fun”. No better praise to be found—perfect party cap for me.

 

At year’s end, Dan & I’d usually talk about what we hoped to see in the New Year coming. One of my current thoughts–I love writing and am anticipating much joy from it this next year.

 

Working to live genuinely in each moment,

 

Self

 

She is clothed with strength and dignity,

 

and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25

 

The 2015 Christmas Morning

Screaming Flying Monkeys Olympic Event

(no clear champions 🙂 )