Four years ago a good friend flew from Virginia to attend my husband’s funeral. No one ever completely understands another person’s deepest hurts, but someone who has walked a similar path comes closest to getting it; her “getting it” had occurred when her husband died unexpectedly four years prior to mine.
She gave me a copy of the devotions book “Streams in the Desert” (Cowman)—first published in 1925. I began reading it the night of the funeral when I read October 29th’s offering. The devotions are relatively short which was a definite plus; because I found it difficult that first year to remain focused on any book—with the clear exception of Scripture. Not hard to figure.
I remember thinking that some of the book’s readings felt harsh—not mean-spirited, just hard. It was as though they expected way more spiritual maturity of me than what I had left inside to offer.
I write in most of my books and this one has been no exception. I don’t read it daily, but when I do, and especially when I mark something; I note the year beside it. Recently I’ve been interested in seeing what I highlighted that first year. Words from November 18, 2011:
…the Lord knows what is best for me,
and my surroundings are determined by Him…
to strengthen my faith and power
and to draw me into closer communion
with Himself…
my soul will prosper…
I may be continually confused and troubled
over questions I cannot solve…
that I may learn to trust Him completely—
to trust and not be afraid…
I will welcome His will…
And finally:
…blessed are you whose faith is “not offended”
by trials unexplained.
Wow. “Blessed” when my faith is “not offended” by trials left unexplained; especially by trials I didn’t cause. Blessed when forced to repeatedly confront the undeniable truth of “I don’t know”.
It occurs to me now, that every time I have to say, “I don’t know”, concerning God’s reasons, I’m simply acknowledging He is God and I am not. And with that, I am okay.
“The LORD our God has secrets
known to no one.
We are not accountable for them,
but we and our children
are accountable forever
for all that he has revealed to us,
so that we may obey…
Deuteronomy 29:29
